Squirrels assault in New York Metropolis

As if the outside world weren’t already terrifying enough, squirrels – the big-eyed tree rats that most of us ignore all our lives – have launched an offensive against the people of New York City.

According to a CBS report last week, “People living in a neighborhood in Queens” have gone through hell with hell thanks to the Area Squirrels’ decision to launch a series of unprovoked attacks as part of an undetected rodent war campaign. The report describes a Queens resident named Micheline Frederick who was attacked by a squirrel last month “while standing on the front steps of her Rego Park home”.

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“You hear someone was bitten by a squirrel. You say, ‘Okay, you have a little feather, what’s up?'” Frederick told CBS. “But that was … That was an MMA cage match! And I lost! “You and the squirrel”[wrestled] in the snow ”until it finally gave up and ran away, leaving her left hand bloody.

Friedrich is not alone. The article describes the experiences of Frederick’s neighbors being attacked by squirrels sitting on their mailboxes, climbing on their legs, or jumping on their backs and biting them.

The good news is that the Centers for Disease Control “say that tiny rodents like squirrels almost never get rabies,” but the bad news is that this means no one really knows why the queens’ squirrels started feeding people off Nothing to attack – why them I’ve gone a little crazy.

For now, we can only recommend studying the accounts of the troubled New York squirrels carefully to learn as much as you can about how to avoid the violent little freaks.

[via Boing Boing]

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